Well, I got to meet a lady right across from me on the other side of the room, Barbara. Her husband is hanging on, barely, from pancreatic cancer. Barbara was there the night before when Dad was brought in. She had stayed most of that night, saying she was crying right along with my dad. Apparently it took half of the night at least to get his pain under control at all. By the time I got there, it was 100% better than what it was, and even then he was in some pain. He was getting morphine almost around the clock by morning, once the approval went through for that. That's not a good sign of things to come for Saturday, the 5th, when we came along.
He was awake enough to want some water and juice to drink. I would bring the straw to his lips for him to drink, but not before him grasping at air as if he was holding the drink at first. Well, the only real spoken words said to me at all (or anyone else for the day really) were "Oh it's you. I thought I was dreaming." He was looking at me, but I felt he wasn't talking to me, if you know what I'm saying. I will say he saw my mom or something. After a bit, Chris, the WONDERFUL nurse, took me aside, had me sign some paperwork. The boys were getting really restless, even when pointed to the family room where there were some kid things they could do. Even in there, they seemed unusually high-strung.
I met with what would be Dad's doctor on duty there at Hospice. Loved the man. After that meeting, I told Rick he could leave with the boys. Rick was hesitant on leaving me there. For some reason I could not leave and come back later. Something was nagging at my heart to stay, not leave. They leave. Next thing I know when I walk back to Dad's area is that the nurses are giving my dad a sponge bath the best they can. You can hear him crying out "please...Lord...please, help me". I couldn't bear it, so I waited out in the family area again and talked to Barbara, figuring I'd give the nurses 10 minutes and go back in there. So I'm talking to Barbara and we're exchanging our stories of how we got to this place and out of nowhere, Chris, the nice nurse, comes out to greet me. She has this really concerned look on her face as she puts a hand on my knee and says.."Sweetie, it's not going to be much longer...." At first I thought..."yeah it's a sponge bath...I know". Then it hit me--nearly dropped my coffee.......what???!!!
Chris took me aside again, explaining that the final stages are occurring with my dad. The final stage of liver failure is the internal bleeding where they will bleed out of their rectum and sometimes their nose. Dad had both. He complained that his back was hurting during the bath---Dad has never had back pain before. This is another bad sign. The final bad sign was the breathing. I forget the medical name given for this kind of breathing. But according to the doctor, they were giving Dad anywhere from as long as hours to little as minutes to live. My sister and family just show up after I get the news.... Joni did not take this so well. So here we four were...Joni, Richard, Kevin (almost 11) and I, just standing there, watching our Dad draw breaths in that seemed longer between each...until we all saw what was going to be his last breath, at noon, on January 5th.
Unlike a hospital, we did not have, nor needed, the validation of a flat line on some screen. We all just...knew. We buzzed for the nurse and she spent two minutes checking for pulses, heartbeats...there was nothing. She mouthed, "I'm so sorry". My pastor was two blocks away too late. All Dad was waiting for was Joni. I know this.
Sunday was spent making the funeral arrangements and all. We've been trying to make heads or tails of the nightmare Dad has left behind. Papers, mail, bills, everywhere and anywhere. Everything only in his name...credit card debt over $30,000 easily....a new house loan for $303,000 that he just got refinanced, you name it. Rick has been an absolute rock for me. He's been calling these places to see what we need to have to mail or fax to them to get things straightened out. We stumbled across one life insurance policy, small one. It may pay for half of the funeral expenses,
Today Rick and I really got things sorted and organized as far as paperwork. I called and cancelled his DSL and phone, and called a few more of his friends we missed calling Sunday. Rick called a few places too. We put out quite a few boxes of trash for tomorrow's pickup at Dad's. Yet, it does not even look like we made a dent. Rick and I went to the cemetery to arrange for the opening and closing of the grave and ask about the grave liner. Oops, Dad didn't pre-arrange for that either. $1500 later..LOL
After we left there, we went to the bank and at least had Dad's account frozen. It's all we can do until we get death certificates. We met with the pastor to organize the service. Then, believe it or not, we had an appointment for a free consult with a lawyer at 3 pm. Oh and an hour before that appointment, we get a call from Andrew's elementary school's nurse, saying Andrew was complaining of bad ear pain. So Rick had to get him, medicate him for the meantime and try and get to this office to meet with the rest of us at 3 pm. He made it and Andrew was better after a dosage of St. Joseph's. LOL The lawyer was recommended by a friend at church who I think is his legal secretary. He was soooooo helpful. We're considering seeking the attorney he recommended to hire to help us. Even though we kind of know what to do now, I think we still need a lawyer. But that's just me. We're looking at 6 months to 9 months at least of untangling a financial mess and getting from under all of this. In the midst of all of this, I need to find Jimmy a suitable place to live. This will require a lot of time off and meetings. I kind of knew this would be coming. But it's a case of the nightmare being worse than what you even expected or dreaded.
Tomorrow from 2 to 4 and from 6 to 8 are the viewings. Pray for us. Though I think we're doing amazingly well under the strained circumstances. Rick has to go get my dad's brother and sister-in-law from the airport tomorrow afternoon. This is a big deal. They NEVER travel anywhere. We were blown away when they said they were flying from MO here. The boys will come to the 2nd viewing for a bit. I asked the boys one more time about Wednesday to see if they wanted to go to the funeral or not. They do still...I think it will help that their older cousin Kevin will be there. So, the funeral is Wednesday at 11:30 am. Then after that, the real work begins. *shudder*
I want to thank you all for the kind calls, texts, PMs, messages, thoughts and prayers during this time. It means a lot to us. I'm sorry if I will seem quiet for the next few weeks or more. Between not having time to even grieve and all that will have to be done right after we get the death certificates, I won't have time to type one tenth of what I just did tonight. *hugsss* to everyone.
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